the new kind of DTR talk

So, there's this new, pesky part of being a post-modern woman in the dating world and that's facebook.  And no, I don't just mean being careful of what you post and oh no employers are looking and oh jeez, I'm friends with my grandma and my friend just posted on my wall about getting stoned.  No, I'm talking about the whole "Facebook official" business.  It's a whole 'nother layer to the "Define the Relationship" talk that you have to have.  It's also another layer to the break up conversation.  I'll give you an example. 

When I broke up with my LTR.  (I realize I never gave him a name, well, he's just my LTR).  Anyway, I had to have the talk with him, after I broke his little heart, after 4 1/2 years of being together and "Facebook Official", after all of that, of taking down our relationship.  Of course, I had to talk him through it (he never could figure out things on his own).  Tell him to be sure to change his privacy settings so that when he changed his status to "single", facebook didn't publish it on the NewsFeed and I didn't get 5000 posts from everyone and their mother (because I'm friends with like a million people from high school that I never talk to) who are so concerned with me being "okay".  A minute after we had the conversation, I took it down.  Liberating.  Then I noticed that he had stuff about me in his profile.  Oh yeah, I guess it's cute (or maybe obsessive) when you're dating, but not anymore.  My name was listed in his interests and he had a quote of mine in his "quotes".  The next day, he called me to see how our families had reacted to the news of us breaking up (what did he think they'd say?  Did he think my super driven, independent woman mother would tell me to go back to controlling, loser, no-ambition boy?).  I told him to take the stuff down.  He didn't.  A month and a half later, I sent him a Facebook message (damnit! I know, but I didn't want to call him because he'd want me back or talk about how sad he was or something pathetic).  I told him to take it down, that I just wanted it to be done!  Anyway, he sent me a message a week later saying how he just couldn't do it, it was too final, he couldn't "tear off the band-aid".  In nicer terms, I told him I was over it, and tough shit, take it off.  I think he still has my quote in his quotes, but at least my name is out of his interests.  Seriously?

And then you start dating someone (and no, I'm not to facebook official yet with anyone), and then when do you make it facebook official?  No one seems to count a relationship as anything unless it's on facebook.  Since I'm friends with my parents on facebook, I'd have to tell them first before I just added this boy (oh, by the way, mom and dad, I've been sleeping with this guy, thought we'd let everyone know).  So, when you know you're exclusive with a guy, when you have that date or that overnight or just that moment when you know that you don't want to date anyone else, what then?  Do you gaze into his beautiful eyes, longingly, maybe post coital and say, "Do you want to be my facebook boyfriend?"  Romantic?  I know someone who waited a year, waited until they met each others parents to make it facebook official.  Whoa, that's intense.


And, in case anyone was wondering, I had an amazing date on Friday that restored my faith in the male gender.  Just thought I'd share.  There are men who don't just want sex!